The slod is a bioengineered cross between a sloth and a slug
with gigantism enabled. The slod resembles a very large slug (approx 1m) with
soft light brown fur on the upper side. The slod was created as a project by
the World Real Estate Confederacy to print the word ‘sold’ over advertising
boards. Glands on the underside of the slod secrete coloured inks when prompted
by the verbal command ‘print’. Unfortunately the first batch suffered from a base
pair transposition error resulting in a spelling mistake, hence the name which
has stuck. First batch slods are highly prized by collectors, humorists and
public housing activists.
The second and subsequent batches, with the error corrected,
have been presented as special prizes to particularly successful agents by the
Confederacy (which has as its flag crossed Sold signs). Agents lucky enough to
have earned a slod, keep them in nests in their cars where they are fed colour
magazines and newspapers for roughage. The slods convert the inks in the paper
for their own printing purposes. When a property is sold, the slod is taken
from its nest, carried to the sign and ceremoniously placed on the corner. As
the slod slowly oozes down the sign, it secretes the word ‘sold’. Property
owners are known to turn up for the event with champagne, caviar and a
particularly rich magazine such as Oprah as a treat for the slod. Care must be
taken with such fare however as it can lead to blurring.
Slods take a year to mature. During this time they often
overdo the printing process and are found unconscious having run out of ink, a
trail of printing behind them. They are revived with a Sunday supplement and
nest rest. They quickly learn to control their printing as they grow and become
affectionate companions, if somewhat picky eaters, often refusing tabloids and
trade magazines, preferring broadsheets and glossy travel mags.
Compare with #17: The Real Estoat. The Real Estoat had bioengineered
fur that could be specified to match the livery of commissioning Real Estate
agents. Unfortunately its tendency to run around crazily, bite and to emit
pungent odours from its glands rendered it unsuitable for further development.
The remaining Real Estoats are now kept by collectors and by the Sunset Homes
for Retired Real Estate Agents where the stoats run free, keeping the agents
entertained. The occasional nip and the smell are not regarded as problems.
Copyright © 2010 David Scolyer
