Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and GFY

I was listening to The Imagined Village perform ‘Parsley, Sage, Rosemary & Thyme’ when I really thought about the lyrics, possibly for the first time. Ever since Simon & Garfunkle covered it way back in the 60s it has been a staple ‘nice’ folk song, which little girls would sing merrily to buzzing guitar chords. But having thought previously ‘it’s one of those very old songs that don’t make sense, I have realised for the first time that it does make sense.

PSRT is a man’s lament for his lost love and how he knows she done him wrong and he will never have her back (not that I think she is offering since she lives all the way over in Scarborough) unless she manages several impossible tasks, in which case presumably the world has entirely changed. And if the world has changed then so has she and so perhaps might he. Modal logic - cool.

Also, quite a sensitive statement from a very old song. How many guys these days would admit in song how extremely hurt they were? Perhaps we are more insensitive now than then? I suppose since we live in a world of strangers that shouldn’t be surprising, but we’re always going on about how enlightened we are. I expect also in those days you’d be doing your courting in your teens so there would be an element of remembered teen angst in there as well. Since teen angst may be the worst kind of angst you could see how a guy might hold on to it. So: Bitch.

I happened on ye olde wikipedia after I wrote most of this and sure enough there was an article and apparently PSRT was sometimes sung as a duet (male and female), each demanding the impossible. Bit like real life.

Developments in commercial genetic engineering #43: The Slod

The slod is a bioengineered cross between a sloth and a slug with gigantism enabled. The slod resembles a very large slug (approx 1m) with soft light brown fur on the upper side. The slod was created as a project by the World Real Estate Confederacy to print the word ‘sold’ over advertising boards. Glands on the underside of the slod secrete coloured inks when prompted by the verbal command ‘print’. Unfortunately the first batch suffered from a base pair transposition error resulting in a spelling mistake, hence the name which has stuck. First batch slods are highly prized by collectors, humorists and public housing activists.

The second and subsequent batches, with the error corrected, have been presented as special prizes to particularly successful agents by the Confederacy (which has as its flag crossed Sold signs). Agents lucky enough to have earned a slod, keep them in nests in their cars where they are fed colour magazines and newspapers for roughage. The slods convert the inks in the paper for their own printing purposes. When a property is sold, the slod is taken from its nest, carried to the sign and ceremoniously placed on the corner. As the slod slowly oozes down the sign, it secretes the word ‘sold’. Property owners are known to turn up for the event with champagne, caviar and a particularly rich magazine such as Oprah as a treat for the slod. Care must be taken with such fare however as it can lead to blurring.

Slods take a year to mature. During this time they often overdo the printing process and are found unconscious having run out of ink, a trail of printing behind them. They are revived with a Sunday supplement and nest rest. They quickly learn to control their printing as they grow and become affectionate companions, if somewhat picky eaters, often refusing tabloids and trade magazines, preferring broadsheets and glossy travel mags.

Compare with #17: The Real Estoat. The Real Estoat had bioengineered fur that could be specified to match the livery of commissioning Real Estate agents. Unfortunately its tendency to run around crazily, bite and to emit pungent odours from its glands rendered it unsuitable for further development. The remaining Real Estoats are now kept by collectors and by the Sunset Homes for Retired Real Estate Agents where the stoats run free, keeping the agents entertained. The occasional nip and the smell are not regarded as problems.

Copyright © 2010 David Scolyer

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Tinker, Tailor etcetera etcetera

Saw the movie of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy the other day. Excellent. Felt quite positive when I saw John Le Carre was one of the Executive Producers. In one of the reviews I read:

FAMED espionage novelist John le Carre has likened making a movie from his touchstone work Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy to "turning a cow into a bouillon cube"

This is always the problem when converting a weighty tome to a flighty image but unlike many books, and much to my surprise, it worked extremely well.

My first exposure to this epic was the TV series with Obi-Wan Kenobi (old version) aka Alec Guinness playing George Smiley (who isn't - not a bit). This was enough to inspire me to read the book. I remember my father carrying the book around to read on the train when I was but a wee bairn but being of the TV generation it never occurred to me to actually read a book. Especially one that big. But apparently I thought nothing of watching seven hours of (black and white) TV. Which has recently been re-released on DVD (like everything else). To illustrate how dry this all is, the fun stuff section of the imdb.com listing for George has the following quote:George Smiley: I don't seem to have very much on Operation Testify. Would you...? Peter Guillam: Of course, George.Thigh slapping stuff. Yet terrier like in it's grip. Once you've allowed itself into the context.

Whilst trawling through many databases of stuff (what was once called 'research') I discovered that the character Smiley also appears in The Spy Who Came In From The Cold. I sort of remember Richard Burton (he of the mellifluous Welsh voice and hooded eyes) being in the film but it was an adult's film and no one understood it out here in Oz anyway in 1965 or if they did they weren't allowed to talk about it. I don't think it was until MI5 tried to ban ex-MI5 Assistant Director Peter Wright's memoir Spycatcher in Australia in 1987 that we cottoned on to all that spookiness. And then forgot it again.

It also seems that the late, great Ian Richardson played Bill Haydon in the TV series. In one of those bizarre connections that web trawling generates, I also realised that it was Ian Richardson voicing Death in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather which screened recently on TV. Which lead me to remember his famous turn as the evil Francis Urqhart in House of Cards and his excellent performance as Dr Joseph Bell in Murder Rooms: Mysteries of the Real Sherlock Holmes. Bell was one of Conan Doyle's medical lecturers and one of the originators of the forensic methods of police investigation btw. See? You can learn something by watching too much TV!

Then there's Benedict Cumberbatch playing Guillan in the movie. He plays the current day incarnation of Sherlock Holmes in Sherlock, the second series of which is eagerly awaited by all us Holmesians. He is the antithesis of the current film Holmes (Robert Downey Junior though I enjoyed both the films) and describes himself in the series as a high functioning sociopath - much closer to the canon. A lesser known TV series starring him is The Last Enemy. Well worth a watch if you get the chance.


I very much hope the success of TTSS encourages them to make film versions of the other two major Smiley books: Smiley's People and the sadly unfilmed The Honourable Schoolboy (second in the Smiley series and quite enormous in scope and complexity). 'Nuff said. Possibly more than 'nuff said.

Hugo a Go Go

Just saw Scorsese's Hugo in 3D. Best use of 3D I've seen. One of the best, most interesting films I've seen in a very long time. Excellent cast. Not really a kid's flick but it's got enough to keep them interested. Love the central irony of a 3D film partly about the extremely early days of cinema and the disruptive power generated by moving from one paradigm to another. All the while going steam punk with all the gears. I suspect Scorcese said to himself: 'Sod it! I'm rich, famous and powerful enough to do what I want to do' and then he did it. More power to him. I wonder if he's fixed Cinema?

25 Jan 2012 And now 11 Oscar nominations. See this carpetbagger.

Totally drug-resistant TB at large in India

Totally drug-resistant TB at large in India - health - 12 January 2012 - New Scientist. Fortunately there aren't many cases (found) so far (12, and 3 are already dead). But there were an estimated 11,000 multi drug resistant cases of TB in India in 2006. Since each case spreads to 10 to 20 other people per year, that's a lot of sick people in 2012. Since every disease is only 36 hours away and MDR-TB costs $2,000 - $12,000 per case to treat my advice is: get top medical insurance now and don't go to Mumbai.